Hold Me Closer
by Asarikou-chan
Summary: Post Frontier. As I didn't have any regrets when I sacrificed myself for him and the others, I will never make him regret knowing me or loving me. Ever.


**Author Note**

Hi again ^^"

Nothing much actually except one thing I want to make clear.

Sharing a bed isn't too strange between brothers or even best friends. I have watched several animes which included that so let us make this: clear I have never meant for this to be twincest at all but after all it is according to you point of view. _In my opinion, it is a strong brotherly love._**  
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All right everybody, have fun with a cute fluffy one shot from Kouichi's P.O.V. Please **R**ead and **R**eview and don't forget to **E**njoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own the twins at all, unfortunately.**

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><p><strong>Hold Me Closer<br>**

_'I don't want to be attached to others because they will leave eventually. I don't want to feel the pain of being alone…again'_

He told me that once and even if he didn't I knew it. It is not a matter of being twins or having twin telepathy or whatever. It is just I knew how honest and painful those words were to him till he almost believed them and shut himself to the world, distancing himself from any possible interaction with those around him and silently asking them to leave. Thinking about his words, I don't know exactly what to feel now as he changed that way of his.

Kouji started accepting people into his life and allowed them to have a part of his heart, yet a part he and only he can control. After all, he needs to feel that whatever will happen with those people he will be able to overcome his feelings and to forget because he would be able to control his emotions towards him. I was a special case, though. As always.

I don't know for sure why am I thinking about something like this now but it is just I feel the need to think about it. My bond with Kouji is very close…more than normal twin brothers or those who lived together all their life. It is simple as this: I love him.

Love,huh?

It is really interesting to see his expressions when we come across this word especially when he would suddenly felt the urge to hug me and mumble quickly that he loves me or that he really cares about me or even that I scared him by putting myself in a trouble or something. Not that I blame him, for he didn't believe in this word before. I wasn't surprised when he admitted that he never expressed his feelings to our father or to Satomi-san but after it became easily spoken between us, he told our mum how much he missed her and loved her and now he became more capable of hinting that he loves our father and his step-mom.

I guess as I grown up in a feminine atmosphere, expressing affection was easier for me but for him things were different. Love doesn't have to be about a romantic relationship between two. It is more noble and precious than that. It is what keep us alive because we love ourselves even if we screamed every now and then that we hated our life, we still protecting this life. Those who lost their love for life and for themselves lost that life because love is always there and I think that the most expressive thing in love is a simple, shy 'I love you' to some one you love deeply.I am blushing rather madly now. I am still too young for these things anyway.

We are twins…almost inseparable even after being separated for more than ten years, even if we couldn't see each other whenever we are always together.

After the awkward reunion of our family, we were allowed to sleep over twice a month at each other's house. It had been six months since our return from the digital that. Scratch that. Their return. I didn't leave at all but deep down I was there with Takuya, Izumi, Junpei, Tomoki and Kouji and I am glad for being there even if I was a mere of spirit.

I was at Kouji's house. We went to bed rather early even if tomorrow was weekend. We talked a bit before we settled on Kouji's bed comfortably. I don't know what time it is now but it is past midnight and as usual Kouji slept before me while I would stay awake for another hour or two before slipping into a peaceful sleep. Not completely peaceful, though. Nightmares became a rather usual visitors they have a chance but at least they weren't as bad as they had been in the first few weeks after going out of the hospital.

Now I was peacefully snuggled on Kouji's chest with his arms around my back.

Strange,ne?

It was kinda weird at the beginning and a little bit embarrassing for both of us, but I just needed that the first time Kouji slept in my house. I couldn't sleep and nightmares were killing me, reminding me of things I have never done as Duskmon and whispering in my ear that I was dead, that I died that day. Kouji was by my side and he forced me to tell him about my , he forced me. I wasn't going to worry him but he insisted and I didn't know what I was doing till I found myself sobbing bitterly between his arms and him gently patting my back and assuring me that everything will be okay.

I remember Kaa-san's pure, happy laugh when she came to wake us up that morning and found us cuddling like babes. need to tell you how red we were but the color faded quickly as my 'kaa-san's happiness for seeing us together made both of us happy.

Since then, we sleep like this whenever we have a sleep over, me on his chest with one of my arms under me and the other clutching his shirt's fabric tightly and him hugging me loosely but warmly. I could vaguely remember Satomi's-san comment with' How cute' and my father's uncharacteristic overjoyed face. After all he was seeing his children together once more as if nothing ever separated them. Vaguely I said because they didn't wake us then, so I had gone back to sleep without making sure of my surroundings and Kouji was heavily asleep for once.

He is awake now. Maybe it is hard to be sure but as I became used to his rhythmic musical heart beats, it was easy to figure out the difference between his heart beats when he is awake or asleep. Now he was awake for about thirty minutes. As I said, he went to sleep two hours before midnight and yet he was awake now.

Nightmare.

But it was the sort of nightmares you don't want to think about or even remember. If it wasn't for the sudden tight hug he gave me when he woke up and the muffled gasp he released before he calmed down, I wouldn't be that sure about him having a nightmare, yet I would guess it from his strangely beating heart before it cooled down. We were different even in that. If I had a nightmare I would stir and even talk in my sleep and gradually waking up with a scream, however he would wake up suddenly with a gasp and sweated forehead.

Why didn't I wake him from his nightmare?

It is a funny reason actually but Kouji never liked being reminded of such simple embarrassing things. I knew he would wake up eventually and he really did but me waking him up and him feeling that I saw him weak even if for few minutes would hurt his fact, Kouji never thought that seriously about his pride around me as I knew I was always a special case yet I am respecting his way and thoughts so I left things as they are. If he wanted to talk about the nightmare, I will be here for him.

I sighed mentally. I wish he would look at things from that angle sometimes. I mean it would be _nice_ if he stopped nagging me whenever I am not completely okay and give me the time to come to him if I needed. I can't deny that I like to feel how caring and worried he is over me but he is over reacting most of the time.

'Kouichi.'

His voice was slow as if he was still sleeping, more innocent and younger than I could remember it. My eyes widen a bit. I know he was awake but I didn't know he knew that I am awake but I guess it work both sides still I wasn't sure if he was just talking to himself or the he was calling me.

I stirred between his arms slightly and mumbled, 'Hmm.'

I don't have to look at him to see that he was smiling tenderly at me. Kouji is always different when we are alone. He can be himself and can easily express his feelings without any artificial masks.

'You are awake,ne,'he said in amused tone.

'Hai'

'Then why?'

I know what he meant by his question.

'I felt that you don't want to talk and if you needed me you would talk to me.'

He chuckled and ran his fingers slowly in my hair in a soothing manner, 'Don't expect me to do this to you.'

'I know.'

He would never let things till I came and ask him for help because he knew I prefer to bottle my emotions in fear of worrying him. To be honest, the nightmares are his card to see my pain without me trying to suppress it. I just can't stop shivering after a nightmare and he would be always there to read my pained expressions.

Funny. We sleep twice at each other's houses a month and despite that we became familiar with each other's pattern of sleeping.

'It wasn't about the digital world this time,'he stated calmly. I didn't say a thing for a simple reason. I knew that. I mean if it had been a nightmare about the digital world, it would have been about me or the others in danger or something like this .If so his reaction after waking up would have been much violent. However now he was generally calm and his breathing returned to its normal record few minutes after the nightmare.

'You left.'

I raised my head from his chest and looked at his midnight eyes. They were in pain but a different sort of pain. The nightmare wasn't about me on the death bed or my empty eyes then. He said 'left' not I saw you dyeing.

He stared at my eyes for few seconds before I broke eye contact and waited him to explain.

He embraced me and put his head in my hair, breathing deeply then muttered affectionately but I could sense the worry in his voice, 'Kouichi, Would you ever leave because of me?'

I blinked but couldn't move to look at him instead I asked in confusion, 'What do you mean?'

He laughed bitterly but low enough not to wake his parents, 'It is stupid and very ridiculous but in the dream. No. nightmare, you were angry at me because you said then that I keep interfering in your life and that you don't do the same nor I allow you to do this to I didn't Know what to do. I was scared but couldn't realize that it was a nightmare. You just left.'

'Kouji,'I whispered as I freed myself from his embrace and sat beside him. Second later, he joined me and we stayed like this for a while. I didn't know what to say. The best solution is to simply tell him to forget the nightmare and that I would never leave him, right?

I didn't do that,though.

'I don't mind you being an over protective brother, Kouji. It is just that sometimes I need time for-for myself. I became really happy to see how caring you are but it hurt.'

He looked at me with a torn look between disbelief and concern then looked at the covers and clenched his hand,'So I am bothering you.'

'No!'I practically screamed at that point.

'You said it hurt.'

'It hurt but not me.'

I wasn't comfortable at where our talk was taking us, but I felt grateful that we are talking at least instead of keeping things inside. Ironically, I prefer to hide my feelings and not to say a word about my troubles.

'Care to explain?'he was getting impatient and slightly annoyed.

'You worry too much. That could hurt you. I don't want you to be shocked one day if I became able to move on alone. Not-not that I would do this but I-I mean I need you but I need to depend on myself as well.'

'Gomen nasai,'his expression was sorrowful but determined enough not to let the faintest hint of blame or towards me.

I couldn't stand it, 'Iie…please don't apologize. Don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong. I won't be able to stand it if you just left me completely on my own. I am not weak but I don't want to be alone. In the past, I depended on myself too much and that led me to the darkness.'

'Nii-san,' he smiled sincerely and pulled me to his chest warmly,' I know that, Kouichi. Besides I would never prevent you from being you or having your own personality. I want you always like this. It was a stupid nightmare anyway.'

I relaxed, enjoying the silence between us. Why would most of our serious talks end with that? Why couldn't I stop myself from thinking about the past? If Kouji is scared that I would leave him because he is overprotective then I am scared too of him leaving me because of me always living in the past.

'Kouji,'

'Yeah,'

'Can I ask you something?'

'Quit the formality, Nii-san. You know you always can.'

'Have you got sick of me? I mean whenever we talk, I drag the past in our conversations.'

'No,'he replied calmly and simply as if it was an ordinary question. I looked at him with puzzled eyes but he just shrugged, 'Come on, Kou. That past was the reason we are together now but to be honest I don't like to see you, blaming yourself or feeling guilty.'

'Arigato.'

'Huh? For what, baka?

'For being here. I have never dreamed of such a brother. I can't believe that I was scared of talking to you while stalking you before,' I blushed at the mention of stalking and Kouji just laughed in delight and said in amusement, 'Well,I am glad you didn't. I mean who knows what I would do back then. I am not the same person, you know. I would have hurt you badly.'

'True.'

'Come on. It is late. Don't you want to sleep?'

I nodded as we both settled again in our previous positions but the only different things was that Kouji hugged me a little tighter. I whispered a soft Oyasumi to him and he smirked to the darkness,' Second time tonight, ne?'

I just smiled at the comment but said nothing. I didn't realize how tired I was till now as my eyelids closed slowly and the soft, regular breathing of my brother's chest comforted me,sending me to the world of dreams.I don't know why but I don't think I will have a nightmare tonight.

My brother. I won't let him down no matter what. Kouji always treated me in a special way because he doesn't want to lose me...I would never cause him the pain of being alone .Ever. He opened his heart to me and allowed me to be the only one whom he couldn't control his emotions towards and I respect this. At the hospital, he called me frantically and wept over me because he didn't want me to leave him and I was back...to stay with him.

I am sure that Kouji brother would never try to change my personality and will do whatever he can to make me stronger and better. It doesn't matter the way he treats me in. I don't care if I was his younger brother in his eyes or the one that needs his protection as long as he was satisfied with that, I will be happy with it too.

**_~ Owari_** ~

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><p>Hai:yes.<p>

Iie:No.

Kaa-san:mother.

Nii-san:older brother.

Arigato:Thanks.

baka:idiot but in playful way.

Oyasumi:good night.

Gomen nasai:I am sorry


End file.
